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Dude! It's not a Big deal- by Zahra Rashid (QI- 2016)


This was something that I actually encountered a couple of years ago.  I feel like it’s something a lot of female teenagers can relate to. I have kept the characters names anonymous in order to protect their identity and maintain their privacy.



It was Mid-June of 2009, I was seated at the back seat of my older sister’s car, eased by the fact that school was over and the stress of exams were finally foreign to me – till September at least. It was summer vacation; we were driving down the streets of Dubai, with the comfort of cool air from the A/C caressing at my face despite the sweltering heat evident outside the car window. My sister and I filled the silence with small-talk, turning at the curb towards a familiar street to pick a friend of mine. I was looking down at my phone, instinctively texting her to come out of her house since we were almost there.


Seconds later, a gush of warm air made its way to my face as my friend entered the car. We were finally on our way to the Mall. The rest of the journey was filled with an exchange of laughter, chatter, and catching up with each other. It had been too long since I last saw my good old friend.


We finally arrived at the drop-off area and made our way towards the entrance of the mall while my sister said her goodbyes and left. We spent our time of a couple of hours walking around the crowded mall, shopping, having random conversations and finally, making our way into the food court. While we were having our meal she got a call from her cousin.

“What’s up?” I asked as she ended her call.

“Nothing, but dude I’m sorry I need to go home now.”

“Yeah okay sure. Let me just call my sister so we can drop you off,” I replied.

“No it’s ok. My cousin’s here with a couple of his friends…soo they’re gonna take me home.”

Before I could respond, she cut me off.

“Listen, can you lie to my mom for me?” She asked nonchalantly, without missing a heartbeat.

What?

Where did that come from? I was stunned by her question; it took me by surprise, not sure if I even heard it right. Reluctantly waiting for my answer as if what she asked was something of normalcy to her.

“Umm… Why?  What for?” I questioned her with a raised eyebrow.

I was starting to get angry not necessarily at her, but at the question she imposed blatantly at me. I mean I always knew that she had a bumpy relationship with her mom, but why would she bring me into this? The fact that she knew what she was asking of me was to LIE for her. Unbelievable.

She shrugged and continued.

“Dude, it’s not a big deal, just tell my mom that you dropped me off.” She replied relaxed.

She knows I wouldn’t do that.

“You know I wouldn’t do that. Besides, tell your mom your cousin would drop you off. Why lie?”

“No duude my cousin’s not dropping me off, his friends are.” She said impatiently.

Ughh. Why is she confusing me?

“Do you even know them?” I tried to rebuttal.

“Not really, just met them once. My cousin would be mad if I don’t go.” She answered calmly this time.

Oh God. This girl sighhhh

“Why would he be mad if he’s not even dropping you off in the first place?” I exclaimed slightly.

It doesn’t make sense.

“I dunno maan. My cousin is weird and he’ll get mad. But seriously dude, one of his friend’s is so good looking!! Annnd he can drive!!” She added excitedly.

Of couuurseeee. That’s why .Why didn’t I see that one coming?

“Dude, don’t you think your mom would be more mad if you went with people you barely know? It’s not a good idea man. You don’t know them!” I said trying to rationalize with her.

“That’s why you’re gonna lie if she calls you….” She continued

Excuse me?

“She’ll believe you more than she’ll believe me.” She stated.

Woow that’s awkward.

“I’m not gonna do that man. I can’t. Honestly, I don’t mind; I’ll drop you off since I picked you up anyways.” I concluded.

She scoffed, didn’t listen to a word I just said.

“C’mon man. I thought we were friends? Are you gonna do this for me or not?” She refuted daringly.

Did she just pull out the ‘friendship’ card? Oh no she di’int. 

“Frankly, like I said before, I am NOT gonna do that. And as.a.friend I’m asking you to trust me. Don’t go with them.” That was my final answer.

She wouldn’t listen or care.

I pleaded with her. Just trying to change her mind, to convince her, but she wouldn’t budge.


And that was the end of our conversation while we parted ways. She went along with her cousin’s friends.


As I reached home a half an hour later, I kept on checking my phone disheartened, trying to avoid the one call I was ready to reject. I did not want to talk to her mother; I didn’t want to be in the middle of that feud between them. It was just not my place. Nevertheless, I didn’t get a call from her mother; however, I texted my friend to ask her if she reached home okay- despite the fact that what she was doing really frustrated me- I was still worried.


LOL … dont worry! I’m home and my mom doesn’t suspect a thing!! :D  So yeah?  she won’t call you :) xx

That was all she had to say?


Since then, we haven’t really talked or hung out much.

Most people would probably not think it’s a big deal lying for their friends in that situation. Most people would feel honored to do that. It just shows how much friends trust each other right? Wrong! Now, one may say that I was probably dramatic. However, when she asked me to do that for her I felt used, I felt like she totally abused our friendship and trust. Has it reached a point that one way to strengthen one’s trust is at the cost of lying and deceiving someone else? Betray a trust to earn or reassure someone else’s trust? It seems kind of ironic really. How can I trust someone who’s willing to compromise the trust of their own fleshing blood and lie to them? The truth is, this story could’ve ended up badly, what if she got into an accident? Or much worse, especially being with a group of older guys she barely knew. Just because something such as lying and covering up for each other is deemed to be acceptable amongst peers, definitely does not make it morally correct or justified.


The point of this story is to come as a wakeup call that it is NOT okay to lie to your parents. In fact, it’s not okay to lie at all, because sometimes those lies backfire and you end up in a whole heap of trouble while getting hurt the most. In other words, whether one gets caught or not, most problems & drama always start from a good old-fashioned ‘little-white-lie’ and the person affected most is the liar. The problem now is parents are so oblivious to what their kids are actually doing, they may seem ‘oh so good’ in front of their parents but quite messed up in public. I’m not saying all teenagers are like that; I’m just saying some of the few common teenagers I’ve met. One of the most common examples is the misuse of Hijab. Some girls nowadays cover when they’re parents are around or when they’re at school, but when it comes to hanging out with friends or a social setting, they strip it all off.


Now, one may justify that “oh but my parents forced me!!” True, that may be the case. Parents should be a guiding force to their kids and suggest to them what’s right & wrong while teaching the Quran and Sunnah. However, it should be done with wisdom and should be taught at an early age in order for children to apply and condition themselves. Not when they turn 18. Do not expect them to grow up a certain way and then suddenly change so many years down the road. That would simply, most likely, not happen. Compulsion is not encouraged in Islam and parents should seek to integrate wisdom rather than force, in the way they raise their child.


Nonetheless, it doesn’t give the youth any right to disrespect their parents, above all, disrespect & disobey Allah’s orders. One should fear Allah more than they fear their parents as Allah is All-Knowing, All-Hearing. And I speak for myself before I speak for anyone else. If your parents are saying something you don’t necessarily agree with – be open-minded and listen to them, all they want is the best for you and they truly mean well.

 

Allah The Exalted says:

O you who believe! Be afraid of Allah, and be with those who are true (in words and deeds).[9:119]

 Abdullah (R.A) narrated: The Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) said, “Indeed Truthfulness leads to Al-Birr (Righteousness) and Al-Birr leads to Paradise. A man keeps on telling the truth until he becomes a siddiq (truthful person). Lying leads to Al-Fujur (wickedness) and Al-Fujur leads to (Hell) fire, and a man keeps on telling lies till he is written as a liar before Allah.”

[Tirmidhi]

 

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